Sunday, 12 July 2009

Unattributed quotes in times of need

Today I read this:

" Strength doesn't mean being able to stand up to anything, but being able to crawl on your belly a long, long time before you can stand up again."

And it did that thing that happens when you read something with personal resonance, when that chord in your brain starts to quiver.  The Prince of Darkness left for the first time a little under three years ago.  And when he left I crawled for a long long time.  The resonance of that statement for me is that when you are crawling I now realise that just getting through the day takes real strength.  To get the kids to school, to turn up to work and confine the tears to the toilet, to put food on the table, read bedtime stories, to cry, ever so quietly, so that you don't wake the children  and then to get up in the morning and do the same all over again. 

Whats more: I'm ok.  I've lived through this before but it was worse back then.  In a week I feel like I've travelled the same distance I came in six months last time.  I know that there will be ups and downs but its really going to be ok.  This weekend I've laughed with my kids and sat in the sun and played with the puppy.  And I've thought about what I've lost but much more about what I gained.   

This is the quote that had resonance last time he left:

"When one door closes another opens; its just that sometimes its hell waiting in the hallway."

And then the hallway was hell.  But now I realise that the hallway is an alright place to be; just a bit of down time till a new door opens.

P.S. julochka has suggested that the Prince of Darkness should be downgraded and this idea has thoroughly amused me all weekend.  Suggested titles for the new Duke/Earl/Count gratefully received...

15 comments:

  1. I'm glad you had a good weekend with your girls and the puppy. Keep crawling! Sometimes it's the best and bravest thing to do. <3

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  2. i´m sure your hallway is very short. i agree with julochka... besides "princes" aren´t what they used to be... happy week!

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  3. I vote for changing his name from 'Prince of Darkness' to 'Fred' or possibly 'Fred of Darkness', because that is pretty much all the clout he deserves.

    Again. Hugs.

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  4. Sounds like you're bravely muddling through it with strength and grace.

    I vote for 'Tragic' which was what a friend of mine calls her ex-husband, after she booted him out for repeatedly being unfaithful. She doesn't like to say his name even, so she just calls him Tragic. Or Saddo.

    Hugs x

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  5. I vote for Count of Crap. And am sending hugs and more hugs across the pond!

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  6. How about the "turd of fog"....?

    I wish I had some words or a really cool quote to impart, but, I am at a loss....just take care of yourself and your kids - that is the most therapuetic thing one can do, just be good to yourself, love yourself....the darkness will disipate and so will the fog and then....sunshine.....

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  7. He should definitely get downgraded! I like VEG's suggestion! I'm so glad you are being strong!

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  8. I just realised I never commented on this post!!! But we did speak and you know what I think. I'm glad you're better. And I'm glad you're finding the hallway an okay place to be, in fact I envy you that. It does take time but the door will open...

    Did you downgrade the Prince yet?

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  9. well... when you start to downgrade the old door you let a new big, brilliant, fabulous door open... sometimes it takes a little but if the hallway is okay no matter of how much it takes! go on laughing with you kids and playing with your puppy... is the best! and oooooh how right you are: strenght is everyday's life! and you did a great training :)) things can only get better as someone said !
    hugs and kisses!

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  10. the downgrading idea came from the danish royal family, i have to admit...princess alexandra, who divorced the icky prince joachim was downgraded to countess when she remarried.

    i personally like duke of darkness. it has a nice ring to it. because i think he's still the darkness. tho' maybe ext is right and it should just be fred. or bob. or maybe leo?

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  11. maybe he should be known as "the ex formally known as the prince of darkness" but really that is too long.. . so how about Creepy Righteous *sshole Person... or C.R.A.P. for short

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  12. Isn't there a tiny chink of light in just knowing that at least you have some kind of resolution? So that you can MOVE ON and not to the hallway of hell, hopefully.

    How about Prat of Darkness?

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  13. Szelerem, Szelerem.

    It is only in the solitude of our hearts that we really know ourselves.

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  14. Hey it's been four weeks since this post and not a word, how are you?? how 'bout you let us know? I hope you haven't posted because you're doing fabulous things with fab people and just don't have time!!!! hugs... Ali

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