Saturday, 9 May 2009

Crash and burn

I woke up with an oppressive sense of melancholy. Whereas most days I enjoy the fluidity and challenges of my life today it just seems depressing. Lots of negative stuff swimming round in my head.

How is my lovely little girl going to survive as she moves through the school system? She is my bright and shining star but because of her disabilities maths, reading and writing is just a mystery to her. How do I keep her self esteem intact as she falls father and father behind at school? Do I give my beautiful eldest girl enough of my time when I so busy helping youngest with everything from school work to learning how to dress so that she can fit in with the normal kids? What is normal anyway? Why can't I just have a regular relationship with the man who is still technically my husband? Why does he see his girlfriend for lunch and then invite me round for dinner? What are we playing at? Why can't we let go? How am I going to get a promotion at work and fit it in with the hours that I need to work to be here with the family? Am I doing enough to help my mother? Probably not as far as she is concerned. Who is going to clean out the goldfish?

Think I'll start by tackling the goldfish.

1 comment:

  1. hang in there! you'll feel much better after blog camp. :-)