After due consideration (all of about two seconds) I accept the invite to dinner from the Prince of Darkness. He cooked a delicious curry (although I swear I thought I saw him put Branston Pickle in it) and we talked and we laughed and we generally had a great time. Like I've said before I am not really sure where this is going. We have both been through periods where one of us has wanted to make a go of things and the other has knocked them back. Right now I am willing to try but he is the uncertain one.
My critical (rational?) voice in my head says "what the feck are you doing? Just end it. Move on. You don't need him. You have made a life without him. He left you. He could do it again. Get thee to a therapist....you have issues." But my heart answers with "what if I just hang on for a little longer and for the first time in two and a half years we both decide that we want the same thing at the same time?" What I do know is that right now when we see each other it feels like there is a chance for us. So I am going to see how this tangled mess that we have made unravels, for a little longer at least. What never ceases to amaze me is the capacity for two intelligent people, who profess to love each other, to invent new ways to stall, test and generally mess up their relationship.
In the meantime I think I might still need therapy. I may have some mothering issues as well as relationship issues. I took the eldest to the orthodontist today. She has, sadly for her, inherited her mother's rather random freestyle tooth arrangement. They had to take some pictures of her teeth. The final one involved her baring all her teeth and pulling her lips back. The dental nurse then stuck in what can only be described as "lip horns" (like a shoe horn but clear plastic and curved right over at the end). These were put on either side on of her mouth to pull the lips and face back even further. The results were astonishing. She was suddenly transformed from my beautiful girl to candidate for the lead roll in Resident Evil - Dawn of the Undead. My reaction was a violent fit of the giggles which despite/because of my best efforts to suppress ended up with me snorting and weeping in the corner of the room.
Is this a normal maternal reaction?