Monday, 15 June 2009

Ultimatum Friday

I'm not sure that this is going to be a regular feature like, for example, VEG (who has Eco Monday and Wipeout Wednesday) or the Fragrant Muse who has fragrant Friday.

Ultimatum Friday basically consists of telling the Prince of Darkness, otherwise technically and legally known as ones husband, that enough is enough and really there has to be some sort of conclusion to the attempt at a relationship that has been ongoing for the last couple of years. Or put it another way its the girlfriend or me, baby. Time to place your money/cards on the table to mix a metaphor.

The rules of Ultimatum Friday are that the the Prince is allowed a good couple of weeks to ponder the situation. He must either come up with a decision as to what he wants to do or at least a plan as to how he is going to make a decision. Other than that there really aren't any really any rules. There just has to be a decision at the end of the day.

I can't keep my life on hold for ever. I can't keep waiting for a man who doesn't know whether he wants to be with me. Its a thankless soul destroying job. Many times the easiest thing would have been to walk away. But I haven't because in our history he has waited many months for me to make a decision to be with him when I couldn't find the courage.

As I say not a regular feature I think (I hope). But just knowing that something, anything might happen is good. Some news is better than no news. And I am honestly looking forward to it, what ever it is.


  1. I've learned that just having a decision can be a huge relief by itself, either way. Actually, just knowing that a decision was GOING to happen helped me (even when it was not what I wanted I think it was better than the not knowing). Good luck!

  2. sometimes not making a decision really is a decision.....

  3. hmmm, JJ has a point. My ex and I moved in and out several times before the divorce. Then I met current husband and I have never been happier. Seriously. I hope what ever you decide works for you. Good luck and I'll be thinking about you...

  4. One can only take so much.It may be your time to settle or time to move on, one way or the other you need a decision so you are not hanging in limbo.

  5. Limbo is the worst. Like rxBambi, I was in limbo with my ex until I met husband no 2 who really is my soulmate. But I was only able to meet him when in my mind I ended it with no 1.

    There is the saying..."you can't get to second base if you're keeping one foot on first".

  6. I agree with the Fragrant Muse, it's tough, but it's got to be done.

    And sometimes it's like jumping into deep water. I've done it once. I'm better now - alone, but better - but getting to this balance of mind was the longest journey ever and a mini end of the world.

    But it's worth it.

    Good luck...

    See you on friday!

  7. Who needs to pay for counselling when I have you lovely wise people around? Each of you has struck a chord with what you have said. Thank you all so much - you have improved my mood no end.

    p.s I love the "second base" saying! I'm going to use that one!

  8. I have never been in this postion....but I think your heart holds most, if not all the answers, as to what you really want...

    and like just jules said...if he's still waffling....then not making a decision, is his decision..... I think and life is too short for you to wait for him....

    easy for me to say, right ?
    hugs to you as this can't be the least bit easy....

  9. This is hard, you've been there too (taking the decision). I've been there and I know that making the decision is hard, but I also believe that he knows what he wants, and it's the actual practicalities of it or fear of hurting someone that's stopping him, so an ultimatum is needed, and now it's up to him. Whatever happens, knowing is always better and you'll be able to move on with your life.

  10. Beth and B - thank you both so much. I just know that I am going to keep rereading these comments in the next week or so.

  11. Oh, I feel like I'm intruding given that i only just met you. Sounds like you've have a really, really rough couple of years. But, having been there, you're quite right to force the issue. There's quite a lot of cake and eating it going on here, and that's just not fair. The limbo state is the pits, and drains you of energy...and you can't plan for anything, or hope for the future. It's awful that it's been like that for you for so long.

    A decision, either way, is needed. The Prince of Darkness needs to make his choice and live with it. Or, of course, YOU can make the decision for him.

    Tough times. Here, have a slug of this yummy wine...xx